I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
