omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
