it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
