there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Randomize
