We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
