Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
A+ Viking dick
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
