Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
