i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
and you fell through a lawn chair
He shit in the fireplace
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize
