y did u give ur computer a hand job?
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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