Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
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