if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
