what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
