there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
