the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize
