i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize
