His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
