I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
I am spending my child support on dildos
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Randomize
