I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Randomize
