Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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