Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Randomize
