she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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