I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
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