he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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