I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
