Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
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