Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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