Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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