He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
