You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Randomize
