the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
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