I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
