We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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