R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
