I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
