Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
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