Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
