I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
