I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Randomize
