somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
We left the knife in your bed.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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