Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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