I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
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