There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
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