I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
