Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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