i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I'm too high and old for this...
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
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