those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Randomize
