You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
