If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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