when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
