Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Randomize
