Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
