I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
