That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I wish you could order shots online.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
