i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
