Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
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