I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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