I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
My cat gives me a boner
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
